Cut the BS

About a month ago, I did something that I've been wanting to do for quite sometime. I got a short haircut. See the "fabulocity" below.



And about a month ago, my relationship ended. Hmmm...does anyone else see the possibility of a direct correlation between said haircut and doomed relationship?

Well, honestly, I knew this person from my past would absolutely hate my new hairstyle. Actually, he made sure that I knew he would hate it by constantly reiterating that fact. I think that he almost had a coronary expressing his disdain for girls with short hair. Seriously. True story.

But the decision ultimately rested in my hands. Cut my hair and possibly upset this person from my past OR not cut my hair and constantly resent him and be disappointed in myself?

In the back of my mind, I knew as the scissors were snipping away, I was also snipping away at my relationship.

And damn, did it feel goooooood.
Yes, I am single. But I've never felt any better. Who knew that by cutting my hair, I would also be cutting out all of the bullshit in my life??? I don't know why I didn't do it any sooner haha.



So this is me. All of me. You don't like what you see? Well look the other way muthacluckas because I'm still gonna get money, and stunt, and stay glorious.

Things that make you go "hmmm???"

What do YOU think?

Fighters & Gunshots

"When the fighters are all around

All the lovers are underground

No one will save you anymore

So what's happening, what you rapping about?

Is it boys? Is it cars? Is it girls? Is it money? The world?

Man I really miss my pops

Hope that God watches over him and that he's on top

That there is no more disease and that he's alright

That he's one of the generals inside the army of the light"

Funny how someone you don't even know...more than likely will never know, captures your feelings exactly, with just one shot. Straight to the heart.

Nice aim Lupe.

Everybody's wishing for no more mistakes...

...And all that I can think about is you.

Still too young to fail.

Too scared to sail away. But one of these days, I'll grow old, and I'll grow brave...

and I'll go.

One of these days...."

That's a line from Chocolate & Cigarettes by Angus and Julia Stone.
It's been replaying in my mind for the past few days.

Because it's frighteningly way too appropriate for where I am in life right now.

While listening to "Hood Nigga"...

A few things came to mind:

1. What's up with female insecurity when it comes to how they look? I mean, of course I don't think I'm perfect or anything and I have those things about myself that are kinda quirky, but hey-it's all apart of the package that is Marissa. But it wasn't until this year, my first semester of college, being submersed into a life that I was not at all accustomed to, did I realize just how deep female insecurities go.

I mean, the jealousy is sickening. Ladies, talking about some other girl's "messed up weave" or how "she's not even cute anyway" when she clearly is, is low. Why can't females accept the fact that oh God forbid, there are indeed other attractive females in the world? And by picking out the things that you believe are flaws (or just creating imaginary flaws) and attacking does not help any situation. Well, sure, if you have low self-esteem, of course you're going to feel a bit better by the false comfort of knowing you look better than someone else. Yet, my dear, you need to wake up and realize that your words hold no hokus pokus force. Calling her ugly will not magically make her ugly. It actually has the reverse affect.

2. Guys. I'm just shaking my head.

Since when did every female on the face of the planet owe you? And when did it become a rule that we should feel honored by your presence? And when did you HAVE to be rewarded for the things you're SUPPOSED to do anyway? Yes, you opened my door. Yes, you pulled out the chair. Yes, you bought lunch...and it was the best cheeseburger ever. But since when do you deserve a standing ovation for those things? I mean, yes they are very much appreciated and they do earn you points...but don't get carried away. Oh, and why would you expect to get sex for doing those things???? And honestly be really offended when you don't get it?

Ahh...with that mentality, you and your right hand will become very familiar with each other. Or your left hand, what ever.

3. I haven't gone out dancing in quite sometime. That needs to happen ASAP because my dancing shoes are not being put to good use.

Hip-Hop Graphs

I laughed for about a good half hour because of these. The last one is my favorite, of course.

Birdman???

Ok, despite the fact that he got arrested for possession of marijuana blah blah blah blah....dude, his WIFE is 18??????? What?



Is that NOT mind boggling to anyone else? Come on now....

My girl B!

Yep..for those of you who are OBVIOUSLY out of the loop and didn't know that Beyonce and I go way back...well, I'm just glad you've just been informed now. But anywho. check out these pics of her with her dancers at the "Beyonce Experience" party. (Sidenote: any of you can just go ahead and cop me that Beyonce Experience DVD at anytime. Thaaaanks.)

Shaking my head at...

I mean...wow. Is this the same woman who changed my life with the Miseducation? The one who told me everything is everything? I can't even continue..I'm just shaking my head.

Wish list....

Come on, how can you not LOVE it? It's by Darkhorse. Someone, anyone, who loves me (and all of you better)...let's make it happen.

No homo, but....

Teyana Taylor. I'd definitely take her down...no homo.

Threesome,maybe?

Man, you just gotta love twins. Especially twins cool enough to create these super fresh bad ass belts made out of legos and other toys (which I wish I could still play with without getting awkward stares from judgmental pricks). Soooo...Ricky & Dee Jackson, gimme a call sometime. Let's make something happen. Don't forget the belts ; )

Here's to you, Lisa Turtle!

Yes, I must confess that during the glory days of Saved by the Bell, i was a devout Lisa Turtle fan. I mean, I could just relate to her the most. Obviously, with her being the ONLY black member of the cast and all. But still, she had style, flare, and a sassy demeanor that just stole my heart. So, here's to you Lisa Turtle!

decisions and the number 18

So there's been a good length of time that has passed since I've last blogged it up. A lot has happened since then. Way too much has happened. And it has all impacted me greatly and has directed me to make some decisions in my life.

Decision #1:
Do things at my own pace

Decision #2:
Trust my intuition and go with it

Decision #3:
If the need arises, more than likely everyone will screw me over, so don't put myself in a situation where that can happen

Decision #4:
Look more than I listen

Decision #5:
Smile through out it all


Now that I am 18 and in college, these decisions seem to be saving me from a lot of feeble drama which can lead to irritating headaches and wasted energy. I know what truly matters in life, and I'm learning how to protect myself first. That may sound selfish on the surface, but it honestly makes complete sense.

Fear of Kool-aid

So the other day, I made some really good Kool-aid.

I had been craving some for the past couple of weeks for some odd reason, and my mom finally brought some home.

So, I was extremely excited.

I got the big pitcher and big spoon, and was ready for action.

First I filled the pitcher with water.
Second, I added about 16 packets of kool-aid. Don't worry, it was the small single packets...I'm not that crazy.
Third, I sliced lemons and threw those in there too.
Fourth, I added about 3 half cups of sugar.
Fifth, I added ice.
Finally, I mixed it all together and was just yearning to taste it.

I know that Kool-aid may not seem that interesting to other people, but to me, this was much more than kool-aid.

The whole process of preparing it was a nostalgic experience that brought me back to times when my family felt complete.

Back at my old kitchen, with my sister, my mom, and my dad.

I don't know why, but getting the kool-aid to taste exactly the way it used to back in those days was extremely vital to me. It felt like a life or death situation, and if I didn't get it absolutely right, then some catastrophic event would occur.

So I picked up a plastic cup, poured a little of the drink in it, and waited to learn my fate.


It was good. It was really good.




But it wasn't the same...at all.

No, I didn't explode into oblivion and the world didn't end like I thought.

But something even worse happened.

My fear that things will never be the same again after my dad's death was confirmed.

Seriously? B.B. Rose?

B.B. Rose.

It actually stands for Beautiful Black Rose.

My father always told me that that was what my middle name meant.

My middle name is Akira...and I actually believe it's origins are Japanese and Akira actually means "bright as the sun" or something along those lines.

Either definition fits me perfectly, but I'll opt with my father's belief.

And now that he's gone, I've seemed to embrace his interpretation even more.

Beautiful...Black...Rose

I'm sure that's what I am.

Beautiful- No, not in the vain sense of the word. Yet beautiful in the way that my legs constitute most of my body. And that the gap in between my two front teeth reflect my father's exactly. And the scars and marks on my limbs each have a story.

Black- Yes, and very proud of that fact. I am the beginning and the end...Think about it. It's empowering.

Rose- Fragile, tender, and, in a way, fleeting.

I've never really sat down and thought about Akira before until now.

I guess my father really did know me better than I thought...